Dreams, Work, and Life

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 Right now its 7:13 pm and I am sitting in Snell Library. I was coding some stuff in postgresql (udacity's nanodegree). I have to go to Jigesh Bhai's birthday by 8:30 and to be honest I want to sit in the library till 10-11pm. So, in a nutshell I will have to negotiate with both things and reach at the party by 9-9:30. And since I wanted to take a break, I thought to write a blog post. About my own dreams, work and life.

I am moving to Portland for six months and honestly I dont want to leave Boston. I have made a family here. I know its for the better, but duh... So yeah, it seems a bit pretentious (trust me I hate it) but I enjoy working like this. Empty library, just the noise of my fingers hitting the keyboard and indistinct chatter in the background.

It made me think of the things that I left behind some 10 months ago. I was a boy, in comfort zone who used to think that I've conquered the world. It was here, when I came to Boston where I realized that I am merely a speck of dust. I need to work my ass off to get to a place in life where I am at peace with myself. Where I can look in the mirror and can say that I am worthy of my own expectations.

Aaanddd Behold! My biggest problem is made up in my mind. It is existential. It's not about finance or relationships or past traumas or some BS. It is - MEANINGFUL LIFE. I know that I am a good horse. I work hard when needed, and that I'll get to a good financial position in a few years. I am also assured of a good relationship.  My only fear (and problem) is living an average life. I want people to genuinely cry like a baby when I die.

And I am figuring out how to do that.. I see people around me and get anxious for no reason. I fear that they are not aware of the ticking time. That they're gonna die like 7 billion others and they're not doing anything about it. Not that I dont want to die. But hey, atleast LIVE while you are alive!!!!

Work hard as fuck. Enjoy the time away from work. Talk to friends while looking them in the eye. Intimidate your exes by your work ethic. Feel the breeze on your cheeks. Watch sunsets. Meditate. Skydive. Swim. Ride bikes. Sit. Party. Earn heaploads of money. Sleep like a baby. Whatever.... just dont be on autopilot mode. Feel every verb, and again - work hard as fuck. Atleast in this way you can enjoy your time here while trying to figure out how to make greatest impact on people.

And also, I am trying hard to get into tech giants. Earn some big bucks, learn the work, build network... to start my passive income in India somewhere down the future when I want to retire.

Wellllll its 7:30 now and I gotta get back to coding... This is it for now. I will be back again maybe after moving to portland !? Till then I wish the best for you. May you get what you want.

Yours truly!

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