Debugging Life

Dear Boston, So, the time has come. To bid you a farewell for the time being. We met some 4 years ago on a sunny day. I remember it was very hot. Too hot for a 22 degree Celsius day in early September. I was jetlagged after a 16 hour flight. And you were mesmerizing, as always.  You've hosted millions of people like me. The Irish who touched your shores and caressed them centuries ago. You've hosted Thoreau, Swami Vivekanand, Ben Affleck, the cab driver from middle east, students of merit in MIT, Harvard, Tufts, Berklee from asias and the australias and africas and europe, also the homeless folks. I feel jealous of you treating everyone as special, but also makes me proud that I got to roam on the same streets in which the people who made a dent in this world did. You completely blew my mind. Your beauty, elegance, arrogance, and a bipolar weather. You've been my muse, and I was yours. You developed in me the habit of long walks in silence. Almost every week I get lost star...

Just came back from Allston Market. Got myself a packet of maggi, some frozen parathas, a couple of good days and buttermilk. This is a very unusual shopping list of mine, since I make my own rotis and dough, along with buttermilk. And rarely do I get myself maida (maggi and cookies). You might have guessed. It's my final week in Boston. There's no point of buying a 10 kilogram aashirwad atta, or basmati rice pack.  Also, I stuffed all my clothes into one large cardboard box. The jacket from banana republic, that black t shirt i never wear, the cargos and linen pants, the 3 tommy shirts I got, my favorite pair of denims, and this list goes on... While packing, I realized I don't wear 90% of these clothes. It's the same 3 tshirts, 2 shirts and 3 trousers for me. I can (an am) surviving without those 'extra' clothes. But for some reason, I cannot throw them away. It's not about the material value associated with them. Heck, I couldn't care less about their...

Yo stalkers! Like always, you came here from my instagram bio, right? This post is a sequel to the post that I wrote exactly 2 years ago when I passed out of Medicaps - What Medicaps Gifted me? Where I wrote about the amazing people I met in that phase of life. As your intelligent mind might've guessed; I'm going to write about the amazing moments, lessons and people Boston has gifted me - exactly two years after the Medicaps post.! Buckle up, because this is going to be a long read :) Our graduation day! (L-R: Devesh, Me, Ritesh Bhai, Kanishk Bhai, Ashish Bhai, Him) Scene - Saint Germain Street (67-9).. Ashish Bhai is in the kitchen cooking for all of us on a Monday.. Devesh listening to KK and Atif while I'm playing my guitar on my desk.. Him working out in the hall.. It's around 9:30 PM. Ashish Bhai: Kya gaana lagaya Devesh bhai aapne! Me: KK ka Alvida laga na Life in a Metro ka please. Him: Bhai fatafat chal aate hai 2 minute me, fir baithenge. Me: Ek number bro! *...

This Sunday, we went to Six Flags of New England. And maaaan, it was full of adrenaline rush. It had all kinds of roller coasters, spinners, drops, and whatnot! And then a pool to compensate for the scorching heat of July in Massachusetts. I think I went out with a bunch of folks after a really long time. This time, it was with Him, Abhijeet, Soma, Khusbhoo, and a couple others. I genuinely felt adrenaline pumping out and experienced how time stops when your body tackles fear face to face. When you're at a height of 40 floors, just hanging with a cable which rotates you like a toy in the sky - you just can't stay normal. You feel that you're flying - but you know you are just hanging with a cable - and if in case it loses the grip - you are dead. There's a lot of risk to it, but it is what that gives you a rush of trying it! Time stops; and you can experience every millisecond of breeze touching your cheeks; with no wordly sounds at that height; just the sound of wind g...

 Finally, passed the masters!!!! You might be thinking it's not a big deal, right? Keep reading. So, I took a final course called Machine Learning in Finance; where we had to perform stock market analysis and design trading algorithm and strategies. Which was pretty much done by me with ease. But the final exam, my god! It was full of rigorous statistics, various tests (GARCH, ARCH, MACD, RSI, AD Test, KS Test etc), plus some core machine learning concepts. The catch was, the exam was online; and everyone used google to excel the exam. The class highest was 100, mean was 93. BUT, yours truly didn't cheat. I honestly wanted to test myself in this exam. We were technically supposed to attempt it without google, and since the course was worth 7000 dollars, I had already decided not to cheat. I mean I can get a 100 had took help from the internet; but what's the use of those 100, right? So, I gave the paper with utmost honesty (usool ka pakka insaan); and I ended up getting clo...

So, since the last two days I was thinking about an analogy, which I believe holds true to some extent. I believe to a large extent that we become like the Gods we tend to incline towards. For example; in parts of India; like Madhya Pradesh, Uttar Pradesh, Bihar, Himachal, Uttarakhand and parts of Rajasthan and Maharashtra which fall near central india (where I come from); we generally worship Lord Shiva in various forms (Mahakal, Vishwanath, Tryambakeshwar, Mallikarjun, Baidyanath, Bheemashanakar, Kedarnath), Lord Hanuman, Kaal Bhairav (particularly in Ujjain), etc. - where people tend to be more aggressive, and believe in a life full of grandeur, and are more stiff when it comes to culture, and don't see material wealth as the primary motive of life. As compared to the counterparts of Gujarat, and Mumbai (and that part of Maharasthra) where Lord Ganesh and Lord Krishna are worshipped by the masses. Which is pretty evident. Gujaratis and Native mumbaikars are a bit sweeter, with g...

Yo stalkers! Writing after long long time! It's almost the end of June. And life's been a roller coaster, frightening but exciting. I like it this way. PS - I GRADUATED!! Next target is MBA... but after 3-4 years.. I want to be a VP in a good firm by the time I reach 30.. This inspiration came from my previous manager during my internship in Portland. She did her MBA from MIT Sloan.. and is a VP... she seems too young to be a VP... I want to outperform her... I want people to take inspiration from me.. I'm targetting Cambridge, UCB, Fuqua, IIMA, IIMB, UChic, and a few more... but that's for some other post.. I've realized a lot of things about myself, while nearing graduation. I realized the cost of ambitions. In a journey to make it big in life, I have sacrificed a lot of interpersonal relationships. I don't even know how it feels like to be at home, to connect on a deep emotional level with mummy, papa, dadi, baba. My life revolves around making it big, which ...

We all keep reading news, hear opinions, debate with friends on ideologies. Here, I am specifically talking about political ideologies. Because it is one of the main things which decides the traits of an individual on a smaller level and adds upto the fate of society and nation as a whole. I'm not going to write about the cliche capitalism vs communism debate. But I will try to give you a torch, which will help you to tread a path of your own. Truth is subjective, and you have to decide your own. But yes, I also believe that there are some truths which can be generalized in an objective manner. I believe that a person who is in love with one side of ideologies (be it left or right) is certainly not correct. He doesn't have free thoughts, it's just an impression of an ideology which he read while seeing the world through it's bias.  I'll love to put forward some examples: Feminism. This word is a topic of heated debates in every part of the world. Giving equal rights...

Today is Friday, and I opted to work from home. So, its a bit relaxed for me. Or is it? Does it happen to you that whenever you're having ample of time in your hand, you don't necessarily want to make it ultra productive, but you don't want to waste it either..? (Today is one such day, so in order to avoid anxiety, I have to work today... maybe study something or listen to a good podcast to say the least) Also, even though I have said this earlier, but I am obsessing over people who have pursued an MBA after their MS. The Fuqua passouts, Booth passouts, Haas passouts, Harvard BS, Wharton, Sloan, Tuck, Kellogg, Ross passouts.... maaaaannnn I soooo want to join these schools. These schools sculpt global corporate sharks, young turks leading projects of millions and billions!! What else? In Portland, I am spending most of my days in silence. Literally not speaking a word to anybody for 15-18 hours straight... Strangely, I like this. Just me, my thoughts, books, internet, food ...

 So, I'm writing about my first day of Job after coming home from third day. Well, because its a good job which apparently keeps me busy. And also, I just come home, eat food and literally doze off.   Basically, I have to work on a product with a team, where I'll spend my time on analytics and machine learning stuff. I am in the core business team of the product, where I'm working directly with Maxime (Dartmouth MBA) and Swapnil (MIT MBA) who are the AVP and VP of my company's behavioral health division. Also, other teammates Ryan, David and Clare are also veterans and I'm the only intern.  So, its a bit intimidating (in a good way) and challenging. I will learn a lot. Also, Swapnil is VERY humble. I thought she'd be a bossy lady with whom I'd have a tough time... but is not. She is soooo soooo humble and I haven't seen her resting a single minute. She is just working all the time. I aspire to be a workaholic like her in the coming years...  And Maxime. ...

If you have ever read about blackholes, you might have come across the term 'singluarity' at some point. Well, I am about to enter that phase of my life now. At this moment, physicists are still trying to find out what exactly happens after that point. Same is with me. I am standing at the verge of six months which will decide the entire course of my career. Although I'll be happy with my coop like others, I want to make the best use of these six months. This place will either help me dig my head in books and courses all the way, or just lay on the bed on weekends... this room... my place... will be my battlefield. Also, I am in suburbs for six months. Here I am experiencing the 'true' culture of America. The introverted side of the USA, which isn't portrayed in movies. Even the sound of sneezing touches the ears of the man moving his lawn 2 houses down the lane. You can hear birds chirping 24*7, sound of rustling leaves when the wind blows, and occasional thuds...

Well, so I am again in the library. And I wanted to take a break from studying about CAP vs ACID theorums and making ETL pipelines in Apache Cassandra... so here i am writing a post. I am thinking of updating this on a regular basis now. So yeah. Yesterday was a good day. Vishesh bhai offered me to go with him to Revere Beach (where his friends from merchant navy were coming). Man, they were awesome. One was from lucknow and another from haryana (jhajjar) and they will be boarding their ship from providence and had a stay in boston for a day. I was shocked to know that they will be staying in waters till 6 months straight!! No sight of land... kudos to them. Also, I met Utkarsh who is from UP and is placed in Nvidia (california) as a deep learning engineer. Soooooo coooool. So yeah, they came at my place. I made them tea, which to my surprise, they enjoyed! And then they went. Maybe I won't meet those two again in this life, but I'll definitely remember their faces. We watched ...

 Right now its 7:13 pm and I am sitting in Snell Library. I was coding some stuff in postgresql (udacity's nanodegree). I have to go to Jigesh Bhai's birthday by 8:30 and to be honest I want to sit in the library till 10-11pm. So, in a nutshell I will have to negotiate with both things and reach at the party by 9-9:30. And since I wanted to take a break, I thought to write a blog post. About my own dreams, work and life. I am moving to Portland for six months and honestly I dont want to leave Boston. I have made a family here. I know its for the better, but duh... So yeah, it seems a bit pretentious (trust me I hate it) but I enjoy working like this. Empty library, just the noise of my fingers hitting the keyboard and indistinct chatter in the background. It made me think of the things that I left behind some 10 months ago. I was a boy, in comfort zone who used to think that I've conquered the world. It was here, when I came to Boston where I realized that I am merely a spe...

  Hello Stalkers! So here you are again, trying to have a sneak peek. Lately, I have been involved in rigorous thinking about things (almost everything). Well, primarily because of existential crises and the quest to find the purpose of our lives, duh. Why am I even doing my Masters in a country which is thousands of miles from my own home; what will be the point of earning money, shall I look forward to marriage, and a constant dilemma of choosing between reading Bishop's Pattern Recognition and Tagore's Sadhana. Coming to the point. So, I was feeling really 'unproductive' and felt I was wasting my life. And I was reading about rising COVID cases in India; while I was busy chilling at my apartment here in Boston. This is when I started to introspect upon my idea of love. As to, what it exactly is. Because we all have been brainwashed with the idea that love is limited to our romantic partners; and the ones who are 'sInGle' can't experience that. And I was b...

So the night before yesterday, I was on a call with two of my friends. We were talking about nihilism, absurdness, and existential crises. As in, the origins of big bang, higher dimensions, and the meaningless celebrations. A topic popped up all of a sudden about the absurdness of birthday celebrations. One of my friends asserted that it's meaningless and infact saddening that one reaches a year closer to death, but still celebrates it. To be honest, even I used to think of it in this way until something very peculiar striked my mind.   I thought, birthday celebration is indeed a good thing. Not because we've grown a year older. But, because we're closer to achieve non-existence. We'll lose the consciousness and merge into the void again. I ask - why do people fear death? Before-life and after-death are the same thing. All of this is temporary, and has no inherent meaning or value. So, if you celebrate birthday or don't believe in it - it's totally fine. We are...

So, I came across a form of Japanese poetry - Haiku . They're very short poems. Which generally follow the 5/7/5 rule. However, many Haikus written in english don't follow it, but maintain the overall feel and brewity.  Here's a Haiku for the strongest person I've ever met in my life. Like always, I won't share this link.. If you come across this, thank me later. Idk why, I've a gut feeling that you read what I write :)   a beautiful shrub growing from cracks of a wall tender yet fierce     What shall I name this Haiku? It's better I don't name it and limit it's scope. Till the next time Yours Truly.

Welcome to another post of my secret blog :) At this point of time, I'm still not thinking of promoting this. So, if you're reading this in August'20 - thanks to you for stalking my instagram lol. I bet you have an instagram account. You might as well be a user of youtube. If you've nodded to even one of the questions, you are an apt reader for this post. I've no beef against the influencers, but I totally oppose their portrayal of life, success and happiness.   From Jay Shetty to Dan Lok. They spread toxic positivity, which isn't good for us. In my opinion, life is a spectrum of emotions. Everybody has to go through ups and downs. But these people with millions of followers have completely eradicated the notion of sadness, grief, and failures from their social-media presence. If you're not hustling 24x7, you're a failure. If you're being sad after losing money/breakup/fights - they happen to frown upon it.They simply feed on our insecurities. And ma...

Recently I was just studying about why do we feel sadness and longing for a person. You might've experienced it in the form of heartbreaks, failures, rejection, etc. So here's my guide on how I survive through sadness. See, we are hormone junkies. We love oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins, and dopamine. These are some hormones which are secreted while we're in love, take drugs, achieve goals etc. So when you go through a breakup/lose a dream etc. these hormones aren't secreted by the brain. And hence, it starts panicking. We look for escapism. We go towards alcohol, we crave for drugs, do anything for achieving your dream, beg in front of ex-lovers to take us back etc. Our brain tricks us into doing things which we would never do in normal situations. That's why we end up taking bad decisions and feel sad. But there's a way to deal with sadness. We can replace our routine activities with tasks which release these hormones in our brain. For instance, our brai...