A Conversation with my Father

Right now, I hung up the phone. I had a conversation with papa. Barely 8-9 minutes. This is the first time that I called him on his number, and we talked this long. Not like, I never spoke with him on phone, but it was barely like 20-22 seconds. Yes, in last 22-23 years, we never had 1-1 conversation even for more than 1 minute, unless ofcourse he had to scold me.

I am feeling strangely powerful. He didn't give me motivation, but just him discussing future with me, made me realize that now I am a grown up. He sharing his plans with me about my younger one's education, and he sharing some life lessons with me... had a profound impact.

Quoting him, he gave me a good advice. 

"Baba ye baat bolte hai, unne experience kari hai. Maine bhi itne saalo me experience kari hai ki paisa kamana aasaan kaam hai, paise ko jod ke rakhna bhot mushkil hai. Aur tu choti umr se hi aadat daal. Hamesha ye baat yaad rakhna. Paisa bahot badi cheez hai."

I myself, have seen him struggling when I was young. I am grateful to almighty that now we are at a better financial position. But, when I was maybe in first standard, I distinctly remember sarthak was too young. But we didn't had money even to buy an eraser for my school. I used to rub my finger on the letters so that the pencil lead could fade. In retrospect, I just imagine the emotional state of mummy and papa at that moment. Not able to fulfill small needs like these. They were strong not to cry infront of me and tucky. I presume maybe the used to break down, but never infront of their children. I have immense respect for both of them. I can also recall shankarganj was also not a 'pakka' house during those days. So yeah, our whole family's condition wasn't that well-off. Hats off to pitaji and pappu papa for lifting us up.

He could've borrowed money from Baba, but he was adamant to raise his kids on his own. No matter how bad the situation was, that man taught me self respect. I believe this is some quality that made him reach at the place he is. Able to fund the education of his children in US/UK/Australia without any loans. There are a lot of things that I've learned from my parents, especially papa, and I am grateful.

He told me that when I was in class 10th, he wasn't able to afford school fee. (We studied in an expensive school, because he didn't wanted me and sarthak to compromise our education... because when he was young, he wanted to study but had to drop out to take over Baba's factory). 

Coming to the point, pappu papa helped papa at that point in life, which turned out to my best academic performance. I had a 10 GPA in boards, was able to clear olympiads, had the chance to play Under-19 state football, and much more... But yeah, he told me on the call to never ever take it for granted, and to always respect pappu papa, chintu chacha, vikas chacha no matter where I reach.. Which I will obey. 

Surprisingly, he told me to get a Gucci/Armani watch for mummy!! He himself could've bought it for her, but he won't. Maybe this is something that is inherited, the hesitation to express love. He doesn't expresses by direct gestures to mummy or even me & tucky. Even I wasn't able to do the same to my ex. Who knows, sarthak might be having the same characteristic.

I know I will never hug him, or wish him good morning, or laugh with him in the same room. When I was leaving for US, we just shook hands for 1-2 seconds lol. A strange relationship dynamic.

Oooof. This was a longer post. But yes, to conclude - I am grateful. Grateful beyond words. I've experienced the lack of resources first hand. And now I have experienced contentment with materialistic resources as well. In this journey, I've learned numerous things about life, relationships, finance, self development, mental strength, dharm, and whatnot from my parents, especially Papa. And I had the courage to have a man to man conversation with him for the first time in life.

-S