Debugging Life

This time, my thoughts aren't coherent. They're popping out randomly. So, yeah. So, it's been a smooth journey as of now. Just 1 exam left for MongoDB and Spark and then I'll hop into the Christmas break!! (Edit: Yours truly scored straight As in all courses and got 4.0/4.0 GPA) In a blink of an eye; I'm done with a quarter of my degree. As if it was yesterday that I landed at Boston Logan Airport and was lost in the lanes of Boston to find my university. I am taking pretty rigorous coursework for spring 2021 - both subjects related to core Machine Learning. I mean that's something I love to do and I genuinely want to code stuff without sklearn/keras/tensorflow. Can't wait for the beginning. Moreover, I've heard that the professors are super-cool for both courses. Then; I'll be done with 50% of my MS; even before others step on US soil. *wink wink*! That was the plan, right! But hey, I'm about to begin my coop search. I've tailored my CV, hon

Dear Satyam, I hope this letter finds you in best of your health. Also, you will read this often, because I know that you have a habit of re-reading your blog posts :P.  I know by now you might be well settled in Boston. Maybe you will be having a co-op in hand. And that's the main goal of every master's student. But, I need you to remember these few things, no matter where you are. Just like everyday, keep worshipping lord Hanuman. Everything is not a stroke of luck. One-two things might be coincidences. But, every single thing happening according to your will is surely something divine. So, just be humble and grounded. I know the chances are very bleak, but just in case you become arrogant of your position, just remember the cause of why you are in Boston in the first place.. Lord was, is and will always be with you. You just need to thank him for his blessings. I also know that it was not at all easy to come to an unknown country all alone. None of your friends who decided t

I was surfing instagram, where I stumbled upon this quote by Democritus. At first, I agreed to this quote. But then I started to scrutinize this. Also, before reading further, read this quote and then form your own opinion... Not at a superficial level, but think about what he said for a couple of minutes. And only then, I want you to read further. Okay, let's go! In my opinion he's implying that everything which has physical form, is universally objective. Means, it is a truth, which everyone can acknowledge. However, perception is an opinion which is subjective. For example: If you and I were standing infront of two pots. One of sunflower and other of red-rose, we might have different choices. I personally love sunflowers, but you might love roses.  Here, we both are acknowledging that 2 flowers are in existence - which is the objective truth. But - which flower is more beautiful is completely subjective, and non-binary. I mean you might choose rose over sunflower because t

So the night before yesterday, I was on a call with two of my friends. We were talking about nihilism, absurdness, and existential crises. As in, the origins of big bang, higher dimensions, and the meaningless celebrations. A topic popped up all of a sudden about the absurdness of birthday celebrations. One of my friends asserted that it's meaningless and infact saddening that one reaches a year closer to death, but still celebrates it. To be honest, even I used to think of it in this way until something very peculiar striked my mind.   I thought, birthday celebration is indeed a good thing. Not because we've grown a year older. But, because we're closer to achieve non-existence. We'll lose the consciousness and merge into the void again. I ask - why do people fear death? Before-life and after-death are the same thing. All of this is temporary, and has no inherent meaning or value. So, if you celebrate birthday or don't believe in it - it's totally fine. We are

So, I came across a form of Japanese poetry - Haiku . They're very short poems. Which generally follow the 5/7/5 rule. However, many Haikus written in english don't follow it, but maintain the overall feel and brewity.  Here's a Haiku for the strongest person I've ever met in my life. Like always, I won't share this link.. If you come across this, thank me later. Idk why, I've a gut feeling that you read what I write :)   a beautiful shrub growing from cracks of a wall tender yet fierce     What shall I name this Haiku? It's better I don't name it and limit it's scope. Till the next time Yours Truly.

Welcome to another post of my secret blog :) At this point of time, I'm still not thinking of promoting this. So, if you're reading this in August'20 - thanks to you for stalking my instagram lol. I bet you have an instagram account. You might as well be a user of youtube. If you've nodded to even one of the questions, you are an apt reader for this post. I've no beef against the influencers, but I totally oppose their portrayal of life, success and happiness.   From Jay Shetty to Dan Lok. They spread toxic positivity, which isn't good for us. In my opinion, life is a spectrum of emotions. Everybody has to go through ups and downs. But these people with millions of followers have completely eradicated the notion of sadness, grief, and failures from their social-media presence. If you're not hustling 24x7, you're a failure. If you're being sad after losing money/breakup/fights - they happen to frown upon it.They simply feed on our insecurities. And ma

When we think of Hauz Khas, we picture the party hub of India. Raves. Clubs. Hardcore party animals. Girls and Boys. Disco. Right? At least I did it before paying a visit. But, my perception was busted as and when I explored the lanes of this beautiful village. It was a scorching day of June. I had completed my data analysis for AAP and had a lot of time to spare. I was binging on movies in my PG in Noida (gosh! I really miss that room). I had already visited CP (multiple times), Akshardham, Gurgaon, and Old Delhi. However, one place was remaining and I wanted to see it right from the day I landed in NCR - the Hauz Khas village . I had my classmates in Delhi and Gurgaon during the same time (Rahul Gautam and Prashika - shoutout to you, if you ever read this xD). But my solitary ass decided to explore that part of Delhi - ALONE. I took metro from Noida Sector 15 and sneaked to CP (duh, again). Then I visited India Gate, Amar Jawan Jyoti, and Lodhi Garden. Then I had the chance to board

For those of you who don't know, Jean Paul Sartre is considered to be one of the greatest thinkers of modern era. He was a patron of the philosophy of existentialism . Butttt... why am I talking about him? Background We do not know what we want. Yet, we are responsible for what we are. -Sartre So last year when I was in Noida, I stepped out of my house for the first time in my life. I had a very narrow perspective of this world. I travelled a lot. Alone. Met people. Had amazing experiences. However soon I started pondering about life. CP, Chandni Chowk, Jamna Paar, Nizamuddin Dargah, South Delhi, Hauz Khas, Ghaziabad, Akshardham, Sector-15 etc... I will never forget the (life) lessons I learnt while traveling alone. Idk why, but Noida and Delhi had a MAJOR impact on my perspective towards life. Apart from being career oriented, I started exploring the meaning of life, existence, purpose and spirituality.. This is where I read Sartre, Albert Camus, Aurelius, Epictetus, Seneca, Che

Since yesterday night, I am just wondering about the purpose of life. In the long run, everything will end and every single human will die. But that doesn't mean we should live our life in vain. Also, I haven't figured out the actual purpose of our existence.. But I believe being satisfied with our lives is one of the virtues that everyone should follow.. And yes, it's not at all related to being rich. Money helps, but only to a little extent. In addition, I was reading about the 'luxury trap' which homosapiens entered about 10,000 years ago. You got to read about it. Actually it was a delusion when hunters & gatherers started agriculture which made our lives more stressful.  First they cultivated wheat and settled in one region. So, it resulted in population burst because now women didn't need to do 'extra' physical work and they had more time for sex and pregnancy. More population meant that men had to work even harder to feed babies. This co

It is evident that homosapiens have gained their dominance on the planet by developing cognition. Evolution has made certain species way stronger than humans. But the ability of humans to hunt in a groups, live together in clusters, and super high control over body parts such as fingers has given them an upper edge. However, another thing to notice is that intelligence and cognition is not necessary for survival. If it was, then every organism on earth would've focused a lot on neurons rather than muscular cells. We would've come across a dog playing chess against Gary Kasparov.. The oldest bacteria and multicellular species don't have super high cognitive abilities. In fact, I was reading that homosapiens had very close relatives homo erectus and Neanderthals. But according to some theories sapiens played a major role in removing Neanderthals from the face of the earth.. which indicates that we're very intolerant.. and it is with the help of our cognitive ability

Recently I was just studying about why do we feel sadness and longing for a person. You might've experienced it in the form of heartbreaks, failures, rejection, etc. So here's my guide on how I survive through sadness. See, we are hormone junkies. We love oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins, and dopamine. These are some hormones which are secreted while we're in love, take drugs, achieve goals etc. So when you go through a breakup/lose a dream etc. these hormones aren't secreted by the brain. And hence, it starts panicking. We look for escapism. We go towards alcohol, we crave for drugs, do anything for achieving your dream, beg in front of ex-lovers to take us back etc. Our brain tricks us into doing things which we would never do in normal situations. That's why we end up taking bad decisions and feel sad. But there's a way to deal with sadness. We can replace our routine activities with tasks which release these hormones in our brain. For instance, our brai

You most likely came from my instagram bio, isn't it? I don't know if I'll ever share this blog openly but anyway. Since you are here, take the reward :P Here's me connecting the dots with 5 of my best friends and how I matured with them. (Modak, Bhonsle, HRX, Fufa, and Chiru). Modak at 11-12pm: "Kal college chalega kya?" Me (who was in no mood): "Bhonsle aur HRX aayenge?" Modak: "Haan shayad. Bol toh rahe hai wo." Me: "Chal. Indore wire pe aa jaunga mai, teri gaadi se chal chalenge." Character 1 And that's how Modak and I used to make plans for college in 3rd and 4th year. Whether it was scorching heat of April, rainy August, or even chilly December... we both used to go on his Jupiter. Man, those were one of the best moments of college for me. On the way to college, we used to discuss everything. From football matches to meaning of existence and advait vedanta. When everyone in college used to look forward to p

So, everything was going well and life took a sudden turn. US Consulates aren't reopening due to covid-19. That means I'd have to postpone my MS for a few months... good for me, i got some free time :P And some very drastic changes happened this week. I'm shocked and have been indulged in rigorous introspection. Evaluating my choices and stuff like that. I believe everything will be fine in the coming future. Everything happens for a reason so this phase is making me aware of myself. In the last post I wrote that I'll be in Bangalore in July for internship and Boston in September. BUT LIFE IS UNEXPECTED DUDE!! We need to have backup plans for everything. Everything! I used to watch many upbeat movies like Pursuit of Happiness / Hangover etc. No doubt they're excellent. But you need to watch Fight Club. This movie is a gem. You might find it depressing, but that's the reality. I have watched it 3-4 years ago, but now I understand its depth. "We buy

Well, COVID-19 has resulted in lockdown. Nothing much to update about. It's just that I'm alive and in best of my health. If everything goes right, I'll fly to Boston for my masters in September after a month of internship in Bangalore (July). Things are good. I'm learning financial markets, chinese, and, maths from coursera. I hope you all are good too. Will keep posting here. BTW, I have a purpose now. I'll surely write about what it means maybe in November. But yes, I do have a purpose. Till then <3

Grief is something that fascinates me every now and then. According to me, this is the strongest of all emotions. Although it seems hard to bear, it isn't. The thing is, humans experience grief and sadness after some loss or pain, which makes them associate grief with negativity. But if we introspect, grief is same as happiness. And in my opinion, even better than it. When a person is happy, he becomes overconfident and careless. He neglects the reality and lives in a cloud. Whereas, grief makes a person stay grounded. It makes the situation clear and puts the truth in front of eyes. It is a good emotion, just not supported by masses. If we think rationally, humans are driven by emotions. They are compelled to buy certain things or make moves in emotional flow. You won't buy someone gifts while being in a neutral mood. While buying things, we are happy. We don't burst crackers on Diwali out of the blue.. there's happiness associated with it. You see, we're

I am very much fascinated by this concept of 'Ubermensch' by Nietzsche. Every human must try to live a life meant to meet our higher intelligence. That's what I think. There are several things that Ubermensch should have like: defying herd mentality, having self defined morals and solitude.   I'm trying to follow higher path. But this made me think about a lot of things. Like, I dont want to demean anybody, but 95% of men in our society, no matter where they're sitting professionally ultimately have the goal of chasing a girl. (I agree its biologically justifiable)... But why is it so? Life is much more than this. I believe that okay, go after them, but atleast have some righteous moral grounds! I had a conflict with a female I know.. I questioned the authority of one guy and I was accused of being manipulative.. Every guy knows the way one tries to woo somebody. This is universal truth... And its okay for him to do whatever he want... But this made me ques

Last week, Northeastern University accepted me as their incoming Masters student. My major will be Data Analytics Engineering. This was my dream university after UIUC. However, I am satisfied with this too (maybe I'll finalize it). I mean, I'm sure I'll end up with a grand internship by the end of two years of my MS. What could be more fun?! I'll have the perfect reason to start my career and company in India. I am extremely grateful to the almighty for this. Today while sitting by the window, I saw the grand children of aunty living on rent. They were extremely happy even though they're financially weaker than an average Indian family. I thought a lot on happiness this time and here's what I ended up with: Happiness, according to me, is a choice. You can be happy after having two chapatis and can be sad even after dining at a five star hotel. It is a mindset. This rat race is unnecessary for being happy and satisfied. Still, everyone around me is indulg

World is celebrating 'valentines week'. The week of love. Its gooood! People have something to distract themselves from this cruel world and spend some time with 'beloved'. This made me think about 'love' and here's what i came up with. Love is something that has been largely misinterpreted by people out there. It is only being restricted to physical attraction and infatuation. The 'couple goals' are the people who seem beautiful to us on instagram, or those who show their love publicly, or if a boy decorates a table in a cafe etc.. Well, what i think is: it is waaaayyy beyond this. It is when you just feel a deeper level of connection with someone. Even if you go days without any form of talking or connection, you are assured that no matter what, nothing can set you apart from him/her. It is not the butterflies in stomach, but a sense of calmness when you're with them. It is beyond materialism. It is level of understanding, compatibility,

Yowza! Again documenting my thought process at the age of 21 (yk, just in case I come and look back at this after years, I can compare my maturity level lol). So, as of now I've applied for my Masters in US and waiting for decisions. So damn excited!! JUMP TO SUBHEADING TO SKIP BS xD I did want to apply to 9 universities, out of which I finally did in 4. I wanted to go to UIUC (world top 10 in CS!) but I was more inclined to NEU or CSUF. Rutgers-New Jersey, Northeastern University-Boston, CSU Fullerton and Uni of Connecticut were the final four. I've read quite a few books and now I question the purpose of our existence. Like, why at the first place, did the big bang happen and we exist.?? Isn't all this a simulation (because, imo our thinking capacity is restricted to after big bang phenomenon).. And other stuff like that (quantum physics and spiritual nerd :P). Secondly, I've started paying regular visit to Rokadiya Hanuman Temple and recite chalisa twice (one f